Is s/he fakin’ it
What?? !!! Is this true? I was having a convo with someone and the gist of the slurred and generally incoherent and inebriated 2 hour vibe was that is you are dating throwing or catching strokes with a Kenyan and s/he starts exclaiming “in the heat of the moment” in English- kwanza Grammatical English (none of that mtaa stuff) then s/he is sooooo not anywhere coming arriving.
Oh ati I’m not talking about you eh? Ebu check yourself. Have you been ‘priviledged’ enough to hear this?
“To tell you the truth, me? I am so coming”
File under fakery.
Exhibit B:
“It is I, Mutumia. And I arriveth with great glee”
File under: Total and absolute Fakery
Exhibit C:
“Ningojee tafadhali. Naja”
File under: When Njuguna met Akinyi (the miro version).
Exhibit D:
OR
OR
File under: “And the Pipe-Layer of the year award goes to [insert your name here].
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Blogga Inspirational Thought:
What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting.
Swallowing
Gargling.
(Truly, Keguro is the gift that keeps on giving- thanks for this gem K.)
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uuuuuuuuuuuuuui say my name say my name when no one is around u say tato i love u i if u aint runnin game….
u know u got me spending..spendin all my money on u and spendin time on u….
thats whathappens when i get here fast first and furious…. let me see if u can run it run it girl indeeed i can run it run it
“Nichorass, Nichorass. You Rr-uh fast and fulious “— see now you know I’m legit. Ain’t none of that fukery stuff up in heyah ati “Nicholas you’re so FFF”
;D
Comment by Couch tato — February 13, 2006 @ 2:32 pm
ngai baba(mutumia trademark) u have me rolling in laughter inthe hay note am in nyeri
ati waiteth i arriveth in glee…kaseo muno….ROFLMAO…ha ha haha
cammon i arriveth like i was on DHL…my “i am so coming” is more like “i am so recovering and i will be so back”
as for gurgling swallowing spitting-woe unto u i arrived didnt i?
Ati you’re recovering and unarudi shortly LOL— at least you don’t leave your coat on the chair like some chiefs from my “location” …. Ninakuja kama post office— pole pole and if you ask me when I’m coming nitaongeza two more weeks to ETA.
Uka nake Nicho-ras
Comment by Couch tato — February 13, 2006 @ 2:38 pm
ROTFLMAO
Ningoje naja??? hehehehehehe
Ngoja ngoja huumiza matumbo…
Mutumia, you so crazy!!!!
Milo, Milo, Milo— in this case, njoga njoga huumiza something else!!
Comment by Milo — February 13, 2006 @ 4:31 pm
I reverse the question, what did you drink?
please do not answer that one either. I am with the loonies on the waiteth i arriveth in glee - that is sooo funny. You girl, need restraining - I am having some bits hurting enough (not those bits, they havent been getting any exercise) without you making me laugh so hard.
Maybe them dudes who claim that Kenyan girls have mucho fakery should be told Haraka haraka haina baraka or should it be reverse murio.. tihihihi
See now, the despicable rumor that is spreading is that it is us Kyuk mamas who have mucho fakery. Lies, damn lies- all of them. Like have you heard the latest one? It goes like this… Kao guy is walking and sees a chick lying by the road. He stops and saidias himself. Kao #2 (aka Blue) comes by and asks kao #1 ” Ndear Lord in ‘eaven! Heven you! Y are u ‘umping a ndead woman?”
And Kao #1 says” Dead? I thought she was a Kyuk”
*crickets chirping*
Even me I did not laugh.
Lakini I laughed at this one…
Kyuk chick (call her Jane Nyambura as that’s what all Kyuk chicks are called) is humping Wariahe Bin Wariah (a Somali) and she’s really moving it, circulating it, churning and basically laying it on the brutha and so forth. So All Hajj Wariah is like “Kwa nini nafanya hii haba na bale kama manyunyu na rasha rasha. Wacha *&*^# iende bahal’ yake”
(i.e “stop mzunguko- let unmentionabo (Milo, 2005) go in its respective container”)…
*crowd chekas*
thank you, thank you. I will be here all week.
Comment by Guessaurus — February 13, 2006 @ 6:14 pm
*frantically searching for what I’ve been missing*
aah, all this time I was messing with these people here I was missing out on home-cooking!
A friend and I were speculating on producing kyuk porn
We had the
Gi-thenge series
Gwaci Series
and a few others; title names available on request . . and a few others that are not suitable for publication . . .
He he he K… Good ‘un. good ‘uns. Now in the spirit of porn (such as it is) may I suggest the following titles:-
Gwaci series
“Arûndire Wacu mûgûnda” [na makirûndana…) [[ he tumbled Wacu in the garden]
“Tata tatîrio” ( tata ûyû nîatatagîrio) [Auntie– be ’splattered’ on]
Gwaci series (LOL– not Kigwa?)
Gatami karî nyondo yene, reke gakûrutîre wîra [the kitambaa that was on the boobie, let it work for you]]]
Comment by Keguro — February 14, 2006 @ 12:00 am
Wait…. there’s Kenyan X-rated stuff out there????
Mutumia… you simply must arrange for my procurement of a clip. LOL
And since soundtrack is in Swahili- you get an educational session too!
Comment by Brutha Code — February 14, 2006 @ 1:51 am
Kigwa–I said there were a few more titles “in production”
and interesting things about dry yams . . . my friend is the translation expert (and don’t get me started on tomato-themes)
Comment by Keguro — February 14, 2006 @ 4:32 am
LOOOOOOL Girls you gone and lost it. LOL, ati ‘It is I mutumia and I arriveth with great glee’..ROTFLMBAO.
Then off goes Guess….ati ‘I thought she was a kyuk…’ Girl, that is the funniest joke I have heard this year! As in not funny kind of funny….and the kao shrubs….ati ‘heven you’. Guess, please put whatever you are drinking or not. **walks off shaking head in utter disbelief**
He he he we aim to please (Down KM!! Down!!)… Yup! that’s our Guess!!
Comment by KM — February 14, 2006 @ 5:30 am
LOL
ati It is I, Mutumia. And I arriveth with great glee … no wonder my rss reader was shaking when I opened it. lol.
Oh my— I so wasn’t gonna go there—- RSS reader was shaking? Um…. no I won’t— but you can see where I was going with that
Comment by Mentalacrobatics — February 14, 2006 @ 10:44 am
I swear even I was getting all flustered up in here - between you and Keguro, you have the whole kyuk vocab covered, I only need to show my face to …er… u know, show my face. Whatever thee eateth thee need to shareth…
In my defense, your honor— I blame it on a misspent youth (and a deprived childhood dammit!)
Comment by Guessaurus — February 14, 2006 @ 1:03 pm
Damn!I’m here coming in at a poor position
.I see the drought is getting to you.If a performance must be given I believe in keeping things simple.In the bedroom everyone’s name is baby and say “oooh,oooh,aaaah (change order and pace of moans and you have all the bases covered), closed eyes and partially opened mouth add to the effect…..
Which is why, you are no longer the Acolyte but now Head Priest.
Congratulations Son. You’ve learnt the 6798376347364 paths to wisdom and enlightment.
Comment by acolyte — February 14, 2006 @ 1:51 pm
You NEED to copyright this one ASAP, no kidding.
“It is I, Mutumia. And I arriveth with great glee.” Mutumia® 2006©
Gotta remember that one. In addition to these:
“Thoguo nûû?!”
“Athamia!”
“Come sit on my lap and let’s talk about the first thing that pops up.”
“Comming is such sweet sorrow.”
I couldn’t even comment for laughing. Ati “who your daddy?'’ and “Athamia”. tsk, tsk, tsk… That is soooo not the profile of the metrosexual Kenyan male we’re trying to promote!!
Comment by >d® — February 16, 2006 @ 7:47 am
wouuuuiiii thought i heard it all but you do actully win
the phrases and the joys of comint tigatu .washana nayo
washana nayo? Washana nayo???
Surely, money has been poured to finish me!! He *wiping tears*
Comment by gishungwa — February 19, 2006 @ 3:53 pm
Auuuiiiiii Blogsopme ate my comment!!!
I arriveth with glee? WHAT? And mûrio?? Aki you need some ASAP!!! Clearly a case of severe deprivation?
And you even found time to hit on BC?? WHAT??? Gotta love you girl, you got mad skills!!
It’s M to the U to the R and I-O. Pris Re-co-go-nize!!! ’sright!! As for BC— ni mgeni— hata sikufagia nimwambie karibu na nimtoe ugenini LOL
Comment by Ms K — February 20, 2006 @ 7:03 pm