Haidhuru

Usual disclaimer—

Have you ever prepared for a meeting with a potential partner? Done your research, analyzed the ‘market’, prepared a concept paper that is truly a staggering work of heartbreaking genius? Thought of fall-back plans from A-Z (OK… A through K)? Worked on your pitch? Are sure of the mutual benefits to both participating organizations?

Then, worn your pin-striped suit, black Ngorobas, pale blue shirt? Got your hair did just right – in a professional up-do, under-stated makeup and your presentation was short, succinct to the point? Greeted the assorted gentlemen calmly even though you were a bundle of nerves? Made it through the end, answered questions calmly and thoughtfully (but do I say?)? Had consensus and then been left to talk details with the Project Manager that would be handling the other organization’s end of the deal.

Then the first thing the mofo does is hit on you???

Urhhhggggg!!!!!!!!

Kwanza, the first thing that annoyed me was that he was an African. He asks me (the minute his colleagues left the conference room) whether I’m married. Like dude!!! WTF???!!! So I ignore him but I am furious… and he asks me again… and I’m like “Sure, I heard you. I’m not hard of hearing. But it should be obvious to you that I am ignoring you, as I was hoping to avoid the conversation and confrontation that we are having right now”. He backs down for like a fraction of a second and then the conversation becomes full of innuendo and I am so pissed off as I KNOW for a fact that mofo is doing this because he knows that he can get away with this crap as it’s a fellow African chick and we owe each other something?!!!!!!! He sooooo would not have done this crap if it was a jungu chick for sure, for sure!!!

Then secondly, I mean— why???? Why do we insist on bringing that club vibe to the job????? I KNOW where to meet men you misbegotten piece of shit!!!! I do not use my work place as an extended match.com site!!! I worked my fucking butt off to get this shit right and all you can see is not mutual benefit to organizations and potential improvement of [insert marginalized groups here] but rather a way to get laid???!!!!!

Plus, also, what did he actually think would happen? I mean, when you do something, I thought that you have kinda envisioned how those scenarios will play out… you know— that I will demurely and coyly say “No, I am not married… How about you, you big, strapping, strong man?” and we’ll then go out for a drink at 18th Street Lounge, and I’ll be overcome by your masculinity and ask- nay-demand that you take me home???? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN? Damn stupid African (used as an epithet— yes I said it— what????!!!) was sure nothing was gonna cut— he was just doing that old sexual harassment that jamaaz indulge in with the domestic workers being used as a training ground for the sons and husbands sexual escapades and where you kinda sorta knew that working as a secretary for the boss was unfortunately a gig where you had to do that whole co-wife/ concubine overtime gig. And we are in the human rights field for crying out loud!!!!! Dude!!!!

And I felt such pure and unadulterated hate for him… I swear I wished a plague on him and his children (past and future) and his family tree 7 generations down….. I really did. And I feel nothing.

Am I overreacting? Under-reacting? Seriously, there is nothing as ANNOYING and as maddening— and also as saddening as that institutionalized sexual pandering that miro men insist on bringing to the office. Have I been tuned by other races/ Af-Am men on the job. No doubt… but you know how people put out feelers out that leave the both of you wiggle room to get of it, with a work-relationship intact??? That’s been my experience so far—- I guess the Clarence Thomas debacle learnt them something after all.

But —- but— but sometimes….. men—– I really wish miro men would cut it out. It’s not cute, acceptable, flattering or ‘no-harm-done’…. These attitudes of women as fortuitously placed vaginas (who can also work on country strategies— but that’s not the point here— that’s office coochie) is sadly so prevalent, sometimes, I despair. And that’s in the office— what hope really, do we have of changing the attitude of employers towards their domestic servants, if they are treating their collegues that way???

It really, really pisses women (OK me) off and trivializes all the work that has gone into trying to be respectful towards you, by being as prepared and as organized as I would as I assumed that you are worth all the professional courtesy I could accord you.

Yes, yes, I know— this is not something that all miro men do… I love me my Africans. It helps that my dad is an African man (ooohh and Mental is verra verra cool ) But that high-fiving whenever an office jerk pulls that routine, that silence even though you know that Miro is waaaayyyy out of line is just as bad— nay- worse… you know what???

Fuck y’all!!!!