Triste…
That’s it.It’s official. I quit.
I have now stopped allowing friends to come to me for advice… I mean… HOW????!!!
Are you ready for this? A person I know called. She’s calling to ask me for my opinion on a delicate situation - a conundrum- a small ka-shida that a friend of hers finds herself in….
With me so far?
Good.
So she says:
“If you’re catching strokes with a jamaa and then he starts crying after strokage…. is this normal?”
*falling the f*ck off*
“Whaaaatttttt?”
Sidebar: Kwanza— I really don’t know why people ask me about strokage advice— I mean, it’s like asking the village priest or Aco or Guess - actually, I kinda see why most of KBW is no good for advice on this seeing how y’all are getting none. Strolling and scrolling down that list of shame known as KBW, you see a pattern— Aco, Keguro, >d, KM, Milo, Fulo (let’s not forget that Ngara bugger), Ms. K, Nick (though he denies)—tsk, tsk, tsk, that list is loooooongggg as Nchi Yetu Daily…. HA HA HAHA HAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!)
I digress….
So I ask
“What do you mean ‘crying’?”
So she’s like “My girl says that he was wailing mpaka the roomates were knocking to see what’s up. Yaani not sobbing daintily— it was a full-blown Official Mourner ‘Mzee Jaramogi is dead… How shall I live without him Oh-Lo-Lo-La-Yay… Msiba, mkasa, shida na tabuu’ kinda wailing”— then she adds “with makamasi and all”
Me, I was speechless. I mean— I’ve heard of unusual sound-track like ….
“Iss-a-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-deaaalllllllll…. Hit them things, nasty, tasty, nasty-no-tasty. Isss nasty AND tasty— here I come, here I come…*whimper, whimper, yell, roar, whimper, st-st-sttutter, gasp and sigh*
and the Oscar went to
“Shifta shindwe, mimi Myaks ati nini–iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii???”
Lakini kusema kweli, not to take the Lord’s Name in Vain— Ngai Baba!!!!! Machozi???
He he he he he ….
Did I mention that girl-friend says her gal-acquaintance says that he is a repeat offendor? Like a chronic spouter of tears? Post-coital triste indeed.
I have laughed so hard, I am crying like a jamaa after strokes (sorry, I could not resist).
PS.
People talk too gaddamn much (me included)… I would perhaps not have shared this if it was my girl’s woes— lakini there’s at least 2 degrees of seperation so I’m exempted from the confidentiality clause.
PPS.
Wouldn’t it be cool if Aco, or kina >d came forward and said that “Yaani Trupehena is a blabber mouth—- that heffa was talkin’ ’bout me”… I, my dear brethren, would die happy. Mission fulfilled.
PPPS.
If you cry after strokage in mein ßeddmun, Mein Gott in Himmel, isht un truthen, thou are getting kicked the f*ck off…
C’mon!!! Ati “Woiye, baby don’t cry?”— I somehow don’t see it happening.
LOL and then LOL again— sheeshh—- people say the strangest things.
first….Yipee, Now off to read!
Comment by KM — February 27, 2006 @ 4:50 am
LOLOLO mara fifty @ Mzee Jaramogi is dead… “with makamasi and all”. Gal you are like mad! Its always so spooky the way those women wail haki ya nyanya, na si na ubaya.
. ..LOL @ strokage. LOL @ ‘issss a deal’ soundtrack.
Ngai fafa! me I think that guy is like so weird. Yikes yikes..eeeuuugghhh, please be a man and shut the eff up!! Haiya! but me I am allowed yaani the times when errm a good job has been done. Saa ingine is bila hope for holding back those tears….but I know for sheezy I cannot take it from a guy. Is what? Ebu come again? What was that? Sorry, can’t hear you? aniriira hanini pris. Project thy vocals? Oh! ati Unalia? Uma nja pris. Vaa nguo utoke!!!, and chukua tissues and stay away from me you weirdo. ONLY WOMEN are allowed certain tumaundu tuthings ashaming..
And while we are at it, I will have you know that my gettin some is coming!!! Nimekuwa nikiangalia hiyo maneno!! Tebu!
I give up! NO way I can come in on Monday and angua such vichekos. My boss so knows how gloomy I get on Mondays. He so knows that I am not getting ready for Monday morning meetings.
tihihih! Have a great week.
LOl & LOL mara fifty (KM, 2006) — your whole interrogation made me laugh!!!!!!! You know what’s crazy? I could actually hear you asking him ‘’ Louder Please–eh? Ati nini?” LOL and LOL!!! As for the other- no comment— we’ve all been making threats since 1989 — what year are we in now? Eh? Sorry, can’t hear you? aniriira hanini pris. Project thy vocals? Mwaka gani dadangu??? He he you know you’re my peoples KM…
Comment by KM — February 27, 2006 @ 5:10 am
LOL! My dear — don’t take this the wrong way but we ni mwenda! LOOOOL!!!
For real— this is so not me— it’s a friend of a friend. I swear!!!
Comment by m — February 27, 2006 @ 6:35 am
Aie
Seems I’m in good company on the “bilas train”.
LOLOLOL at Jaramogi-like ululations after copulation.
Ati what??? Good one— Good one , I like “ululations after copulation”—nice!!
Lakini huyu dude is giving us jamaas a bad name. With such bunny-wailer sh8t its no wonder the rest of us aint getting none!! We must have been pre-classified by inference/transference hence the drought!!!
he he he ati “Bunny Wailer”— funnee— lakini pre-classification hence pre-emptive strikes by mamas…
I can just imagine the “eh mshenzi!!” (sang to tune of “eh mpenzi” by Swahili Nation) using the sheets to blow nose.
Dayum dayum dayum - lakini loads of ROTFLMAO also…
Comment by Milo — February 27, 2006 @ 8:37 am
I am not sure who to classify as mwenda wazimu in this category (all of you up in here). LOL that dude sure has me tickled till I’m pickled. As for you Milo - jeez dude what are you eating (hence you not getting any)that transference, inference ululations after copulation has me eyes tearing on me keyboard - its monday morning peeps, give me some room.
OK in defence on Mr. ‘tears on my pillow’ (I know, i know, I am not in a position to give any (oh no i am) advice on ‘any’ at the moment but give me a minute - Do you know about the ‘little death’ - well, I do - and if you are not dead, then you are happy that you escaped death (still with me?)so dude is crying because orgasm puts yu straight back to basic and you know what, you cant lie about anything right before or after orgasm - so let me break it down (Bullshit and all) - dude has issues, and that is what is making him cry after because he cannot hide in that state, not from his crybaby self, not from his ‘gal’ and not from his demons. I suggest a shrink after the shrinkage (dont you?)
LOL and LOL again @ “shrink after shrinkage”!!!! He he he… so le petit mort is to blame eh?? Hm….. … I suggest a stint in the marines (ama a ka-guerilla movement anywhere in Asia/ Central Afrique) for this jamaa— so that he can get something to really cry about nah’mean? That’s “Gûtûrîka” (i.e. being ’spoilt’— shame on him)
Comment by Guessaurus — February 27, 2006 @ 10:00 am
i’ve heard of people getting misty eyed coz it was so beautiful, but full blown crying…eeeeehhh….that would not go down too well with me…don’t kow if i’d laugh or just stare in wonder!!…men!! just can’t figure them out!!
Go with your first thought— it’s to cheka. Out Loud. On the floor, rolling with laughter. Till you almost shuta (Milo, 2005). Or stare in amazement…. and for this one, I can’t even put it on the ‘men’ category— this is — Ripley’s “Tale of the bizarre”… LOL
Comment by kipepeo — February 27, 2006 @ 11:23 am
And this is why we recommend the rabbit, where the only tears in the room will be yours!
No comment. Seriously, no comment. Men who cry? Ati sensitive? Ati, “feelings la la la la feeeeeeeelinnggss.”
Feel yourself!
In the words of my West african Brodas “I beg-you-Oh!” For real— jisheke if this is the reward for strokage received… Yaani ka-mint on ther pilow- ka-breakfast in bed… Machozi— that’s asante ya punda….
Comment by Keguro — February 27, 2006 @ 12:57 pm
Speechless. Not only have I never heard of that before, but that would be more than a little disconcerting for the chic, I’d imagine. She’d probably be thinking of something like I know I’m good but damn!
Like Guess or Aco, I’m in no position to dispense strokage advice but I think a good backhand or two should do the trick.
Hmmm, maybe he was crying at the realization of the loss of so many kids.
Still her CV is bound to suffer ” I reduced a grown man to tears….” hmmmmmmm…. No instant street cred there y’know… Hadn’t thought of the interruptus angle … let me ponder on it and get back to you.
Comment by >d® — February 27, 2006 @ 1:40 pm
all u people ahead of eme tafuteni jobs!
-cammon you do know u are the veteran expert in Sexology/and strokology with or without the tears. yaani not gettin any mpaka i dont know what any/some is….ha haha
As I said… the list is long and growing longer!
-ati wailing-kwani where was he stroked? u know maybe a ka-pubic ball hair was yanked by her watch and that can be painful and a chick is clueless…or she tried to crack open one of his ‘nuts’?…
(damn I am back and i’m killing myself)
LOL (for true) OMG Nick I laughed out loud on this— it was a ka-stray f*thi that caused the hula you say? Too funny!! Enyewe, maybe it’s the squueze who’s reckless with the jewels… but if there’s one thing that I know— even if the guy loves you mara 5690, if you even look cross-eyed (leave alone hurt) his -errr… 2 mbogas and one nyama—- unatupwa inje after ONE verbal warning!!!
Comment by nick — February 27, 2006 @ 1:47 pm
There is nothing coherent going through my brain and this storo does not make it any better W…..hhaaaaattt??
Let us try and analyse the situation. At what point in time does he begin crying and please be precise i.e as soon as he plops over etc etc.
Tembea uone jamani kuishi kwingi ni kuona na kusikia mengi!!
Prou– now see that’s why we need you. Me? I was too busy trying to get the scandalous details of how he wails (i.e. Sporano 1 ama 2) so that I can blog about it—- the relevant details— nerp— didn’t fuatalia.
Comment by Prou — February 27, 2006 @ 1:48 pm
Have mercy on the guy for he must have been thinking of all the creditors about to start calling asking for long over due bill payments,LOL!
You’ve mentioned strok-age more than twice on your blog, any wonder why strokeless and strokeful buggers keep calling?lol!!
*snapping my fingers and cussing under my breath* of course— it’s the blog!!!! hey! Hey! Hey!! She doesn’t know that I know what a blog is so… nope— um… I’ma look into this one… Still not buying that storo of overdue bills as he should be crying before he gets (not after)— y’know? I mean, he got a ka-brief respite from the bills story!!
Comment by nimestaafu kublog — February 27, 2006 @ 2:11 pm
Ai!Seems people here need to be working!Anyway when I spoke of strokes that would have a dude in tears; I was talking about getting misty eyed with ecstasty.Not Luo like funeral wailing!Ama he was ashamed for his misperformance?!
My dear I have no shame in admitting I am going through a dry spell and since I have taken the celibacy challenge I am enjoying it!But my birthday is in April so anyone who wants a ride is free to meet me in ATL, my number is 404-…..
Yes— misty NOT soggy!!! Soggy=bad. Misty=good! Hmmmm beware Kenyans bearing gifts— so, based on your blog-ploits, shouldn’t it be you asking when our birthdays are and then offering “The Acolyte”? just askingisall
D’you want I unleash KBW b/day calendar (on condition you keep up Yoga?) 
Comment by acolyte — February 27, 2006 @ 4:54 pm
OMG! Ngai baba! People, please stop..I can’t do this anymore.
ROFLMBATFO @ The whole damn post, and all the comments in here. I soo needed this today. Thank you everyone in here..and you Muts..you’re a nut! I know you didn’t say f*thi..rofl.
Comment by Medusa — February 28, 2006 @ 1:09 am
Mutush someone crying in Beddumn.. looool..
And expecting to hear woiye babie dont cry..
U rock gal gal.. U rock..
Comment by Nakeel — February 28, 2006 @ 8:51 am
Yani for the first time since I started reading blogs, I had to go outside when I read this. LOL & LOL mara fifty (KM).
Yaani enyewe, I’ve gotten misty-eyed and shit (LOL yes i used to get some in my past!!) lakini Jango wailing?? Yani I have raffed my head off!!
LOL girl, tell your girl’s girl to nini, dump the boo-hoo-er!!
Ps/ Mein email eisht finen. Try ageinen.
Comment by Ms K — March 1, 2006 @ 5:35 pm
First msichana. You made my day; and I just discovered you. On the real pple..give the guy a break. We’re always talking about sensitive men..I have to say some pple just got it like that. There’s nothing wrong with reducing grown men to tears…some women just know how to wind and maybe girlfriend has some hidden talents…I will say I’ve seen something like it up close and personal. It was heartbreaking…and unfortunately makes you wanna say “woiye, let mommy hold you for a minute”..its hearbreaking and beautiful. Le petit mort might have something to do with it :p If you got it, you got it. You can LOL, that brotha is hers for life !!! just TRUST
Comment by Been Doin' It... — April 21, 2006 @ 8:52 pm