and I miss home……
My mother’s kitchen smells of ripening bananas, lentils, Pledge linen and yesterday’s scones. There’s always some background noise in my father’s house. Crickets, dogs barking, the lowing of cows, and Mwaura, our gardener’s radio that he never leaves behind.
I am increasingly disenchanted with life in the United States. I have had my fill of this sanitized life. Where the meat comes pre-packaged with a maxi-pad and cellophane paper that makes you almost believe that it’s not carcass of cow. Where are the ox-tails? Where is the tripe? Where are the goat heads? I miss my mother’s butchery with meat hanging from a hook, and telling the Somali butcher to wrap up a kilo for me and charge it to my mum’s account.
I am tired of having to engage my brain to listen to snippets of conversation on the metro as my mind, exhausted of 12-hour workdays, sluggishly converts American-English to Standard-Kenyan-English, to the Real-English that we actually speak. I am tired of repeating myself as I speak. Tired of trying to pretend that my diction allows me to differentiate between “hurt” and “heart”. Tired of the bewildered faces and that half-beat after every phrase as they decode what I said into – well, English.
I am so tired of being an army of few. My brother, aunt and I. I am part of a large extended family. I increasingly realize that ‘we’- the sum of cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, parents and great aunts is so far greater than the parts of us and them: “Those in the US” plus “them that are back home”.
I miss Mama Mboga. I miss her telling me “You’re becoming too small. How are you going to get children msichana? Eh? Buy these avocados- only 20 bob”….
I miss multi-colored money. I miss the noise- of loud, boisterous, largely idle people on the streets. These mechanized sounds- sirens going off all the time— the difference between fire truck, ambulance and police cars are all that break the silence in the office. Otherwise, all I hear is the hum of AC and tapping away of keyboards. I want to hear hawkers, preachers, matatu guys, misfiring of cars. I want to engage in shiftless and shifty conversations with people who understand me. I want to have the luxury of being sick and having my mother’s soup and uji as comfort food- without me having to lug myself to the kitchen to hook it up.
I think that my life is the sum total of my brother’s wedding, grandfather’s funeral, cousin’s bridal shower, mum’s women’s meeting, aunt’s harambee. When I pick and choose only the momentous occasions, I am missing out of my family’s history. And I can’t take it any more.
I’m so tired of talking “policy”. Talking “strategy”. I want to do: “Next, we’re going to the field and we’re assisting 2,000 people. Hook it up”.
So today, I resigned my job effective next month. I’m off to S.ri La.n.ka and then it’s home baby!!! I am apprehensive, exhilarated, scared, overjoyed, anxious, but most of all, I just.cannot.wait.
Ebu wekea a cold one for me KM…..
Yeah, I was starting to think you dont love us anymore Muts - good one!
I miss home too - I hate this cold weather that has been hanging around for the last six or so months and want to wake up and see the sun shining, hear the birds singing, have my mum drag me out of bed coz its 10 o’clock, stand outside the cowshed and exchange gazes with cows, seeing who will blink first, and then have my hand licked - that craggy wet (ok, it sounds a bit yukk, I will stop)
Wish you luck girl, will check in on you when I come over sometime - and you know between us we will diminish the livestock population by a considerable margin, right?
LOL @ diminishing the livestock. Kwanza those goats have gotten a big head I hear. They’re arrogant as f*ck I hear and I’ma do my bit to make sure that I indulge big time. The cold does do you in for sure. Plus also, that feeling of having a misspent life. Man, I’m miro- I should be in miroland. That’s where I thrive. In dingy bars and dusty places LOL… I’m so killing these butterflies in my stomach and I’m scurred!!! I mean- S.ri L.an.ka??? WTF???!! Haidhuru- onwards and upwards no?
Comment by Guessaurus — March 14, 2006 @ 4:30 pm
Hey gal!I’ve missed your posts!Yes life here can get disenchanting and the sensory depravation can get a bit much!As for the english don’t get me started!Ai!!!!Yes it also does suck not having the extended friends and family close by!:(But it is so good that you have something new going on and are going to see the world.I guess that will be me in a few years time.Let us know how world saving is going Muts!
thanks bro. It feels like it’s been a minute. Re saving the world, I’m just trying to save myself right now but mos mos y’know? Uliacha uchokozi wa KM BTW? You know I got my eye on you right?
Comment by acolyte — March 14, 2006 @ 5:38 pm
A good thing you opened the front door *looking around*. Same ol’ muts and miro damu
That door was rained on and it could no longer open seeing that it was warped and stuff. So what I did, was cut the burglar proofing and tell y’all to ingilia dirisha lakini people jammed so I’ve cut a ka-hole in the old door. Miro damu, I know. Try saying” I was in my hut, really pissed off ‘cause my hat was wet after I left my BF’s place as I was hurt and my heart was aching” Haiweskani
Comment by Prou — March 14, 2006 @ 6:09 pm
SOOOOO Good to have you back Mutumia- Where the hell have you been woman! I was just about to say I don’t care that you have a(nother) life, then I come here..and find you’ve written that mushy post about the ex..aarrghh!
About moving, all I can say is- I’m so damn happy for you!! That has been on my mine ALOT lately, and I just shared with a friend who’s been mighty supportive..When you get there, order the combo-nusu choma, nusu boiro,na nusu marinade- I’ll be there before you know it too!
stop joking! Maa swear? Wewe! For real, it’s on… You’d better not be joking… South like the geese mama- south like the geese.
Comment by Medusa — March 14, 2006 @ 8:55 pm
Btw- are you going to the John Githongo thing in tao on the 29th at the Cato Institute? If you are, lemme know- and we can stusha these bloggers with a meetup If you’d like- I say tisha coz theirs have been in bars and restaurants..atleast this would be of some good use-somewhat?ha! My email addy- medusa_find@yahoo.com
oh wow… that sounds like a really good plan… I’ll hit you on e-mail sasa hivi
Comment by Medusa — March 15, 2006 @ 2:50 am
Mutumia, I miss too. Big time. Been here close to a decade now and it’s killing me. I’m suffocating. Unlike Medusa up there, the few peeps I’ve confided in have been negative about it. I’ve survived solo since eighteen so I can’t let naysayers discourage me, ati main reason is the security issue. Fcuk that, you can’t live your life scared of what might happen! I have no choice anyway. I’m scared shitless tho coz end of next yr I’ll be home.
TJ… I soo feel what you mean. And I also know that you have to go with your gut and then and only then can you be happy. I know that I can be happy in the States (I have been happy) but I also know that I would be happier, more fulfilled back home… Plus, as you say, you’ve built your skills for making it in this world— going home should be easy… Man… you gotta do you, y’know? Good luck whatever cuts girl..
Comment by Tee J — March 15, 2006 @ 2:55 am
dare I say, with a straight face, I missed thee horribly!
I left my comment ‘y’know where” so, yes, what I sadi stands. could not wait for holes to be made in the fence…I am a chap chap mama.
A cold one awaits thee. the first 8 are on me. **doing math in my head**….eh, ok, make them 6.
He he he… Let’s make it 7 which is a nice round number ama? Yes dadangu, I saw you and Prou don’t think I didn’t *giggle* si you know I’m those people who peep inside your windows to be seeing where you be when you haven’t posted… it’s all good mama. All good…
Comment by KM — March 15, 2006 @ 5:55 am
He he! My dear, welcome, welcome. Hiyo mbuzi boiro na mayai fry inakungojea
He he he… Best believe I’m practicing my wheng for you M… is all “warrer in the house ma dawg!!!” — I may not have had one here, best believe between now and then, I’m getting one to shtua you
I’m kidding!!! *ducking M kama kawaida*
Comment by m — March 15, 2006 @ 6:12 am
Damn!
Welcome back. I so feel you why i cannot leave our dear country. But Thank God for your experience. I still dunno how it is to live in a dustless town.
Welcome back…
Thanks in advance… not there yet counting days though…
Comment by shokolokobangoshenot — March 15, 2006 @ 6:54 am
Ati Sri Lanka?
Tuletea hiyo ka-chai…
When you back. Mbona you stole my ka-move of resigning and running back to Nai? Not fair not fair LOLOLOLOLOL
)
sweetie, see the thing is, I am following you — I am dedicated dammmit! I am committed to Milo— Me I love Milo regardless
First thing i want to check out is those jamaas of machongolo mapipa - heyah!!
Wishing you all de best!!!
Thanks bro, thanks a lot…
Comment by Milo — March 15, 2006 @ 9:26 am
Mbuzi choma and a cold one waiting soo hurry hurrry..
Dont watch lots of cricket at Sri can keep u there for a while ..Werocome
adding to the pints count— ongeza ya Nakeel… I’ll be happy for a while.. woo hoo
Comment by Nakeel — March 15, 2006 @ 12:53 pm
Ok so, with KM’s 6/8 beers and mine 6/8, si you’re kido set!!!!
We’re going to have a KBW girls night when you land, no holds barred ama? I’ll talk to KM we nini, plan your death by alcohol. Mua ha ha ha!!!
Yes I’m answering your email. Lakini where is my pikicha?
Ngai baba! I just cannot wait…. woo wee, KM , Ms. K no doubt!!! Those pints must land. Then plus after that, I’ll have an excuse to check on a few men that I knew who had very low morals…. he he he… I’ve been away— it doesn’t count
Comment by Ms K — March 15, 2006 @ 2:17 pm
Ti hi hi hi btw, Mental thinks you’re a dude. LOL he’s going to kill me for telling you. *ducking mawes*
Ngai baba!!! I have his number… Ataniona!!!!!! Wha??? I was all sexily dressed when I ‘met’ him?!!!
Comment by Ms K — March 15, 2006 @ 2:19 pm
Good for you girl, 4 real. Good, decisive move. I’m almost always consumed by thoughts of going back & staying there so I totally feel you.
Thanks bro… mambo?
Comment by >d® — March 15, 2006 @ 2:43 pm
You milomire you!! LOL
Mapaka I’ll do a Milomutare now…
I like that *blushes* Ingalau, it sounds like a constituency bordering Vihiga no?
*Milo lines himself up to be done er hurt and committed to*
LOLOLOL
Yaani you make my day Muts - no doubt!!
aw… thanks Milo
Comment by Milo — March 16, 2006 @ 6:32 am
wow!! good luck!!! I miss all those things bout home! I really do. “multi-colored money. the noise of loud, boisterous, largely idle people on the streets.” I miss it all. good luck and have a blast like I’m sure you will!
Thanks Kip– will do, will do…
Comment by kipepeo — March 16, 2006 @ 10:28 am
wow that is very brave of you to just pack up and head to zamunda without a batting an eyelid. some of us (read me) cannot go back home, coz the way my folks were happy when they got rid of me(moving me abroad). i am still wrapping my head around that. all the best!!
Aki woiye– ati your folks threw a hang when you hit out? Waish! Lakini folks can be cold… LOL
Comment by kelitu — March 16, 2006 @ 5:17 pm
WWWOOOIIII! And I am thinking the way I miss the vumbi and being fried by the Nairobi sun. Kumbe am not alone. I should start a KBW black book to hunt you lot down when I kuja jamu’.
Anyway, you have a swell time and all the best!
Yup! Treat me as a recon team to see who throws the most pints… My $$$ is on KM/Ms.K lakini I’ma keep you posted
Comment by Mocha! — March 17, 2006 @ 12:14 pm
I had my moment of truth 3 years ago, when I packed up and jumped - no regrets so far. welcome home.
Yeah, I’m kinda behind the curve I know, but I’ve been here like 4/5 years now and it is sooo time.. I KNOW I will have no regrets just… you know…. Thanks for the karibu
Comment by bankelele — March 20, 2006 @ 10:30 am
Sweetie
Ebu update hiyo link yangu and come have your drink at my new/old old/new diggs. Wengine wanakumalizia…
Milo sweetie… I am so ashamed of meself… Updating pronto and going off to roll in your posts kama Beyonce
See you at ‘yours’ 
Comment by Milo — March 20, 2006 @ 1:10 pm
Eeeerrrmmm, honey, Is me, getting the shakes again from withdrawal symptoms of you. Like curling up in a corner, sweating and stuff……POST SOMETHING!!!
soonest… I’m bilas right now…. Soon mama
Comment by KM — March 21, 2006 @ 10:08 am
Ma, you have nailed it on the head .I do not have anything to add to this but so so true.I told someone the other day,I actually miss the dust, the congestion on jogoo road , yep the wananchi in that Green corner area near Hilton just carrying on a conversation in the middle of the streets. Kila kitu!!! it is so lifeless out here!!!
And no one congregates, mills and hovers and …. yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I love the States— it’s like 50 shades of awesome. It’s just not home- y’know?
Comment by Irena — March 21, 2006 @ 3:15 pm
Homeward Bound!
You lucky thing! I’m right behind you!
woish.. the hard work begins… selling, renting, packing, mailing, giving notice, reminders, powers of attorney, writs and stuff…. who knew? I thought “sayonara… it’s been real” would cut it… wheya???
Comment by Stunuh — March 22, 2006 @ 6:46 pm
Hey! I also dislike the timetabled, packaged, mechanized lifestyle of the West. Even here I dream of building a home in Limuru, cool, far from anywhere, and you can hear a bird’s song in the morning, not the squeal of air-brakes of an Eldoret Express that’s been moving all night from Kisoom.
And life is about those around you— not those things that you need to get to surround you. I miss that…
Comment by Chrenyan — March 23, 2006 @ 5:34 am
Good for you!!! We need more feisty Kenyan women here!
All the best!
Thank you very much.
Comment by Afrofeminista — March 23, 2006 @ 10:27 am
Your post is so real! The sights and sounds,” going to the butcher, the dogs, cows….” I’m getting so sentimental just thinking about home. I’m also at that point in life when I’m just thinking “what the hell am I doing in this country?” Tafadhali, have fun on my behalf when you get home, all the best!
Comment by Girl Next Door — April 3, 2006 @ 6:07 am
good for you and congrats on having the courage to quit your job. did the same thing last year and went home for two months.
so feeling you on the “missing home noises” and the “family at home” parts.
all the best!
Comment by Adrian — April 3, 2006 @ 11:40 pm
btw: is there something going round in kbw? so many people complaining of similar symptoms…
Comment by Adrian — April 3, 2006 @ 11:41 pm