say what???
I hate drama— public drama that is. I’ve been known to create a few private domez all for my personal edification. But public domez? Not so much. They always smack of bad upbringing….
I like men. I really, really love men who like me back…. Men who like me back too much leave me slightly bored… Am I a narcissistic bytch who revels in being a martyr for love? Errm… Don’t think so…. Just like men with other things to do- in addition to me of course 
I would DIE if I found myself still hitting the club at a certain age say, 35. As a way of life. Seriously. I would DIE!!! What’s next, going clubbing with solo girlfriends at the age of 38???!!!!
Proposing without a ring, is just tryzex. And potentially un-serious. It’s like applying for a job bila resume. I think. It can be a big-ass ugly stainless steel thing from dime-mart. But more than words tafadhali!!! Even if you eschew all that Western nonsense, a ka-Raymond’s blanket for the folks please. On the other hand, I don’t think that I want the next guy (if there’s a ‘next’, LOL) to buy me a ring. I’m scared of starting my life with blood and conflict diamonds . I almost said “yes” to a proposal a few days ago… ‘Cause I’m bored. Of being invited as “Mutumia + one”. And, quite importantly, he was present and accounted for the day that God handed out bedroom skills. He repeated the class, just to make sure. He graduated top of his class. And he’s good looking. And successful. But most of all, ‘cause I was bored. And sick (literally) and feeling quite miserable. Then, I remembered. And said ‘no’ (in a ka-small voice). I also know that he’s never ever, EVER gonna ask again. Oh well, burning bridges was always something that I did well.
I want kids. Two boys. Or girls— but I think boys are easier to raise.
I want to perfect my French as right now, I’ve forgotten everything my friends from Chigari (Kigali) and Kinshasa and Antanarivo (taught by Mme Razafindramama—the Malagasy have names that just go on and on like a mother’s love) ever taught me. J’oublies tout!! or is that J’ai oublié tout? I don’t know. Oh well, Alliance Française is just down the road…
I’m addicted to cigarettes. And KBW . I just read Milo’s post on gonad-hurting and I think I broke something. Then I listened to Mental’s voice. And saw that Prof is back. And that KM is gonna, maybe, perhaps have a booty call. I read ALL your blogs (yes, I do mean ALL ). But I quit (cigarettes that is). I’ve been smoke free for about 1 week. Strangely, I feel so much worse now, than I did when I was smoking. My doc says that’s normal and that I will feel the “salubrious effects” (yes, he did use those words) in a few days… He suggested I take up knitting. Maybe I’ll start running- I’m Kenyan after all.
Back-up dudes in case of what the QKs refer to when they say “Niyũmbũkaga ĩmbute” (i.e. ‘it flies away, even when plucked’ i.e. even a sure thing is not always a sure thing) is not always the smart thing to do. Back-up may be shorter, poorer, potentially worse fuck than main attraction (you can always tell even pre-horizontal rumba (Prou, 2005) who’ll do a job well or not)… But! But!!! No one judges themselves according to the competition. Y’know? If a dude I’m feeling is also dating Halle Berry or Halle Burton or dem, it doesn’t make me want to try harder, or go “Wow! Look at my compe”. It makes me want to flip you the bird and delete your number. This back-up stuff will backfire on you. So we should stop doing it. Even me …
I like the way that cell phones tell a story. You can tell whose star is in ascendance when you look at the “Frequent Caller” list. I love that list. It’s really democratic. It tallies up missed, received and dialled calls. And then, google like, comes up with this ranking of who you like best. Sometimes, I’ll look at my cell phone, especially after a break-up and see the descent of his name from the top-most frequently dialled number to 4th, 5th and off to the oblivion of the unranked. Then, watch as sometimes, as new custo’s name rises and crosses with an ex. On his way down.
I love that cell phone commercial. You know, where the chick says ” I love it when you erase an ex’s number and the cellie asks you ‘Erase entire contact’ and you’re like ‘yes’ and then “Are you sure?” and you press “yes” and pshtwiw…. it’s off into the ether….Goodbye, and goodnight.
This really is a girly, going nowhere post. I think I’ll post it though. With no warning for people like the Acolyte. Oh well, I ain’t scurred of him.
That much.
Hi M, what’s up? Where you been?
Comment by Yaaaay — March 22, 2006 @ 7:49 pm
I hate drama too Mutumia, private and public - from anyone - and even so when a woman is cussing out her man in public, that is so wrong.
I hate it when people disrespect each other - and moreso when they dont respect themselves…
I was just having this conversation with a friend and I said that I was two kids, their sex is not an issue - but I would love to have a boy first - a little cute boy that looks like me - I realised that I am getting broody, me, broody. Get out of here- but yes I am.
I am glad you are back - hope you are feeling better.
Thanks for the wishes… I am sawa kama kazi but barred from work ?! Ati so that I have some down-time to recuperate. Did I mention that I love my boss
For real. So this post is me, recuperating 
Yeah… domez are so…. played out. Same crap, served differently …. yaawwwwnnnnn….. That broodiness is for real kusema kweli… it’s like OK…. stop subcribing to Parents before mtoto checks in y’know?
Comment by Yaaaay — March 22, 2006 @ 7:58 pm
This post is girlie that it flies in the face of all established rules of logic!And the way it started out really well.
You know what, my potential baby-daddy/ homie-lover-friend…. I’ll take this… From you, this is high praise.
It reminds me of when I hang out with some of my gal pals , when they start talking like this I usually zone out and start doing stuff like planning my work out or looking at my credit card bill in my mind or some other logical mental activity.
ps:You mamas are just too much!
You know you want it, you like it Aco… stop resisting it….
And you wonder why at times you have shidas getting men,
*screeeeeechhhh* to paraphrase Jay-Z “I got 99 problems lakini getting a jamaa is not one of them”
those levels of complexity are incomprehensible and trying to solve them is like being subjected to the task of sisyphus!
*Pouting at Aco and sulking until he comes over to tell me that he didn’t really mean it* ….
Comment by acolyte — March 22, 2006 @ 10:54 pm
Ciggies, my dear, will KILL you. LOL at those Malagasy names. I mean with a capital like Antananarivo… I’m sure the 7:00 news lasts until the 9:00 news in that country…
‘Tain’t girly I could read it. In fact I got an idea for a post. Wait and see.
LOL @ the news ending at 9.00. good one, good one… Can’t wait to read your post… Thanks for dropping in
Comment by Chrenyan — March 23, 2006 @ 5:30 am
LOLOL at those classes the jamaa aced LOLOLOL
Kuna evening classes, ama distance learning? LOLOL
Long distance learning (sly wink)
Pray do tell about assessment pre-horizontal rumba? Is it in the pose assumed (hunched back vs straight back)? Or size of “… or are you just happy to see me”-bulge on corduroy trousers?
ati corduroy? he he he… It’s not unmentionabo trying to get audience nah… it’s a certain je ne sais qoui… matter of fact, I’ma blog on dat…
LOLOL
Good to have you back Muts!!! Hugs!!!
*peeping to see if KM is karibu* (((((Milo<>Muts)))
Comment by Milo — March 23, 2006 @ 7:11 am
First, congrats on you backing off dem little nasty white sticks aka Cigarettes. Kudos to you and keep it up.
Lakini is not easy man!
Two, reached jamu yet? How is it? Ebu update a sista as am right behind you.
bados… I’ma let you know dates when I know…
Third, am starting my KBW Black Book…..holla?
No doubt Mocha, no doubt! Pints on the oldies (which I’ll be by then)
Four, I too hate public drama. The private ones have been renamed “Constructive Arguments”!
Fifth, welcome back to the world of Blogging! I kiddo go missed you.
Thanks sana….
Final, *words have eluded me*!
Comment by Mocha! — March 23, 2006 @ 8:46 am
oopppsss!!!
Fifth, welcome back to the world of Blogging! I kidogo missed you!
Comment by Mocha! — March 23, 2006 @ 8:48 am
ROFL @ God’s bedroom skills classes!!! oh and for cell phones…I so know what you mean!! deleted someone’s number last week and it was just such a power trip saying yes to “are you sure”!!! Totally amazing!!!! yaaaay you’re back!!!
Yaani you haven’t lied! You almost wanna burst out into song ” I am woman, hear me roar!” and you delete it nonchalantly! Plus… that’s like great for me as I NEVER can remember people’s numbers regardless of how many times I’ve been calling you so…. Hooray!
Comment by kipepeo — March 23, 2006 @ 10:46 am
Disclaimers for Aco toujours.
Like I said earlier….get wellest.
**vaaring Nyina wa KM’s hat**
Feeling you on the brooding. Feeling you on the cigarettes. I went off in Dec, got back in…got off again 2 Sundays back. I know how you mean….That nicotine fix…lack of it, and you feel like you are sick ma for real.
Hang in there. Keep strong. I tell myself, its a vice, it sucks, I hate it, I can stop it….(then I pick one up)…..LOL, but really, find the will. I will take this fight with you. The most important thing is you have the will to wanna stop.
**toaring nyina wa KM’s hat**
He man thanks… lakini, you know I wasn’t mentally there to stop it’s just that I had to stop so I still have like cartons (how disgusting is that? Yaani… yes… I used to buy cartons of sigaras… shameful) around the house… I’ll tupa then on Sunday (maa!)
Wunnerful to have you back.
Lol @ kumbukaring when plucked. AKi I missed you.
feeling you on the French!! I hit Alliance with my cafe creme’s for the gazillionth time on Monday…cannot promise you much… but aish, those Names hapo. Lol. Did I tell you about my High school French teacher who made us dance funny Uga chaka Uga chaka kinda dances. tsk tsk….only my hatred for agriculture kept me in that class!!
“only my hatred for agriculture kept me in that class”… Only you can finish a statement like that… I love it!
Keep well sweet. You know the drill. Fluids, eat well….rest. Laugh.
Comment by KM — March 23, 2006 @ 11:22 am
J’ai tout oublié -it is.
Merci.
It is nice and girlie -the post- like listening to older folks talking to each other, the women can go on and on in all sorts of directions and follow three stories at a go very interesting.
Thanks… it’s Multitasking— where is that Aco?
am scared shitless of drama public and private though I can constructively criticise behind closed doors and windows.
he above might ask again tho since you did not say no with finality.
Not in a month of sundays… to this, i can swear…
Boys are harder to raise in that they will just raise your blood pressure from the things they attempt to do with their limbs, girls the same from the things they do with their lips.
Fafanua!!! Please!!!! OMG! Prou that is such a cool saying!!! Ooohh… more please…
Comment by Prou — March 23, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
And, quite importantly, he was present and accounted for the day that God handed out bedroom skills.
Where are the classes? Hey usipotee hivo. Still laughing on “It is I Mutumia and i arriveth with glee” Mutumias greatest 2006
well, these classes are CATS, they be happening in every house, on every street, in every town all over the world… There are those who keep saying “Ngoja main exam” and then there are those who with talent and dedication, continue to improve. And make us believe.
Comment by shokolokobangoshenot — March 23, 2006 @ 1:41 pm
Seems blogger ate my comment!Damn!
Comment by acolyte — March 23, 2006 @ 4:29 pm
With one comment, you made every polygamous, bisexual, confused, and cheating (ostensibly, see “Recruit a Queer”) heterosexual man happy: “just like men with other things to do- in addition to me of course”
Prof is back!!! Yeahhhh!! We missed you sana… (Kina M were calling you a while back to nini a something on plagiarism and there were all these issues that came up and … *taking breath* yeah… good to have you back man. Yeah!!! *doing a very happy dance and hugging K. enthusiatically as I wave to Kwessi*
With that one phrase, KM with the offer of a bj and footrub has been blown out of the water. No competition. You win. And because I’m too lazy to head over there to comment, I add: Kenyan men are way easy if a bj and footrub will do it. Were I inclined that way, I’d demand at least 70 pages worth of the Kama Sutra. Yes, I’m still celibate. But I now want to counsel (ostensibly) heterosexual people.
shhhhh… don’t tip them off. What are we gonna hold in reserve for being rude to mamas in law? Forgetting to turn off the heat? Getting drunk at his office party? Shhhhh……
Q: How do I keep the flames alive.
A: Stop burning the same damn piece of charcoal!
He he he… I’m so gonna use this. Rest assured….
Comment by Keguro — March 23, 2006 @ 7:54 pm
Somatic or cerebral narcist? Narcistic bytches can be very sensual in the bedroom. Oh, and the bedroom-skill-classes must have had no kambas; there is no way anybody else is graduating top anywhere.
He he he he … me I thought it was a rumor?! Asi my mblo! Ebu I peeps at a coupla mutumias
Comment by Kyalo — March 24, 2006 @ 3:44 am
**peeking to see if Kwess is around** then….
Get your paws off of Milo you!!!. LOOL, like mistress fighting mistress cos wifey is not around. Damn!
Nyina wa kana!!! cartons? kaundu like packs or catrons ma for real like ‘for the true taste of food Kimbo Shortening’ kind of carton with 20 tins of kimbo?
As in a carton/pack of 20, or a carton with 20 packs of 20 cigarettes each.. the latter *slinking of in shame*
Ah, never mind. Sioni ni kama unaelewa!!
Pole mami. get into the frame of mind. Is the most important. Get used to how good your body feels sans the cancer sticks…vaaary naaaice. Drink a nice cold glass of water EVERY time you feel like smoking….Its hard, but it can be done.
Yes!!! Day Number Fkuc!!! It’s only like day 7/8… I feel like it’s day no. 45676
Comment by KM — March 24, 2006 @ 5:27 am
Ti hi hi yani that post was so cool. Halfway through I realised I was so in that boat going nowhere with you….
To Aco’s dismay
Lakini… he he he… no better way to spend a Sato 
“Just like men with other things to do- in addition to me of course.” Yani that was the line of the month!
And what’s that plucked shikens story?
Back-up storo is mbof…. He doesn’t appreciate back burner status…
Comment by Ms K — March 24, 2006 @ 8:44 am
congratulations on the quitting of the smokes. Love the part of the journal of the celly the way things change. Sad that you delete the cntact but then again you knw his contacts off the top of your head.
am working on “This back-up stuff will backfire on you. So we should stop doing it. Even me …”
another great post and as always good to be here.
Comment by Gish — April 4, 2006 @ 4:20 am
Late-ass comment on this post…but better than nothing!
This is my first time here and I have chekad sana…not at you, lakini at the very tamu style of writing you’ve got there;
With the cellphone ranking thingee, I guess the dudes at Google might just take u up on that ranking thought if and when they do develop Google Fone…cant discount those folks coming up with some crazy thing like that
A kyuk proverb..nice! The only one I seem to remember is “njohi ni njohi” (pints can enslave you) everytime I have a hangii on Sunday morn from too many viceroy shots the night before!
Will definitely be back here!
Comment by The Hanyeé — April 12, 2006 @ 11:16 am