Comments on: consorting with a known married man http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/ haidhuru (adverb), all right. haidhuru (adverb), it does not matter. haidhuru (adverb), OK. haidhuru (conjunction), no harm. (dhuru v). haidhuru (verb conjugated), never mind. (dhuru v). Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:35:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1-alpha by: Blue http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-385 Tue, 30 May 2006 13:08:00 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-385 This, like most things in life is unnecessarily complicated. I say keep your friends be they married single male or female. Don’t worry too much if you have to let go of a dear friend... If the friendship is true you will find yourselves together soon enough. I don’t mean to sound patronizing but let me explain myself. I have been married 15+ years. In the first years the scenario you mention played itself out on a regular basis. I had friends that were single and unmarried from both sexes and my wife complained when I socialized too frequently with them. She complained more loudly when I hung out with the unmarried female friend. Like wise I was suffered from fits of jealousy and insecurity. There were three distinct groupings that were formed: 1. Our group which consisted of friends that we both knew well 2. My group which consisted of my friends 3. Her group which consisted of her friends 4. Acquaintances Group 2 and 3 were large and group 1 the smallest. As time went by group one grew with additions from both 2 and 3 as well from outside the two groups. As more of us got married or attached our friendships became stronger or weaker. The spouse factor provided a very strong push in one of these directions. The members of groups 2 and 3 who we drifted apart from moved to group 4. My wife continues to have her own group of friends some of whom I know quite well but do not consider my friends. I have my own that I will drink away with to some and my wife will socialize with her own friends too. Some of the friends we both used to bitch about are now very close family friends who we both know we can rely on 100% Damn! I am commenting here like I belong ….Sorry maybe I should just do my own post. Relationships are like ships in the high seas. Winds, currents and sails are constantly moving them closer and further apart. *** oops sorry! First time commenting on your blog although I pass by quite often. I love it. Blue <em><strong>no--- no oops.. please comment away and thanks for visiting... I absolutely love your blog. Kwanza your anatomy of a kao/ luo etc. were PRICELESS!!!! I hope you continue with them... soon :) PS.. It was also nice meeting you in person :) Yes--- I'm in category 4 now lakini---- wachout!!! kidogo tuu I'ma climb up that list ;)</strong></em> This, like most things in life is unnecessarily complicated. I say keep your friends be they married single male or female. Don’t worry too much if you have to let go of a dear friend… If the friendship is true you will find yourselves together soon enough. I don’t mean to sound patronizing but let me explain myself.

I have been married 15+ years. In the first years the scenario you mention played itself out on a regular basis. I had friends that were single and unmarried from both sexes and my wife complained when I socialized too frequently with them. She complained more loudly when I hung out with the unmarried female friend. Like wise I was suffered from fits of jealousy and insecurity.

There were three distinct groupings that were formed:

1. Our group which consisted of friends that we both knew well
2. My group which consisted of my friends
3. Her group which consisted of her friends
4. Acquaintances

Group 2 and 3 were large and group 1 the smallest. As time went by group one grew with additions from both 2 and 3 as well from outside the two groups. As more of us got married or attached our friendships became stronger or weaker. The spouse factor provided a very strong push in one of these directions. The members of groups 2 and 3 who we drifted apart from moved to group 4.

My wife continues to have her own group of friends some of whom I know quite well but do not consider my friends. I have my own that I will drink away with to some and my wife will socialize with her own friends too. Some of the friends we both used to bitch about are now very close family friends who we both know we can rely on 100%

Damn! I am commenting here like I belong ….Sorry maybe I should just do my own post.

Relationships are like ships in the high seas. Winds, currents and sails are constantly moving them closer and further apart.

*** oops sorry! First time commenting on your blog although I pass by quite often. I love it.

Blue

no— no oops.. please comment away and thanks for visiting… I absolutely love your blog. Kwanza your anatomy of a kao/ luo etc. were PRICELESS!!!! I hope you continue with them… soon :)

PS.. It was also nice meeting you in person :) Yes— I’m in category 4 now lakini—- wachout!!! kidogo tuu I’ma climb up that list ;)

]]> by: acolyte http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-383 Tue, 30 May 2006 01:27:08 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-383 This us a complex issue and I dont have much to say, other then not to put yourself in a situation where things can go awry.But on the other hand when people's lives change the relationships that you have with them change.If my boy gets married then mambo of catching pints and going to clubs ovyo is no longer the way things will be. Just my 2 cents! <em><strong>hear, hear</strong></em> This us a complex issue and I dont have much to say, other then not to put yourself in a situation where things can go awry.But on the other hand when people’s lives change the relationships that you have with them change.If my boy gets married then mambo of catching pints and going to clubs ovyo is no longer the way things will be.
Just my 2 cents!

hear, hear

]]> by: Gish http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-382 Fri, 26 May 2006 08:55:57 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-382 I slept on it, then i thought of some mbois i used to catch with, clique of like 5 jamaas and was the only one now they are all married except one. Honestly things have changed got to know their women, we dont catc as muchas we used to i actually avoid them dont jua why. Sorta understand what your are going through... i also understand that sometimes good intentions are not good enough, i would say go with your gut... <em><strong>p'raps that's the key---- just to go with instincts and if they're wikaring... avoid mami, avoid</strong></em> I slept on it, then i thought of some mbois i used to catch with, clique of like 5 jamaas and was the only one now they are all married except one. Honestly things have changed got to know their women, we dont catc as muchas we used to i actually avoid them dont jua why. Sorta understand what your are going through… i also understand that sometimes good intentions are not good enough, i would say go with your gut…

p’raps that’s the key—- just to go with instincts and if they’re wikaring… avoid mami, avoid

]]> by: KM http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-381 Fri, 26 May 2006 08:53:51 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-381 you raise a very valid point...."why are their mamas never there?".... <em><strong>ati kwanza I can be mad ati "the place is not gisty euff for my mama"... kufa kubaf!</strong></em> you raise a very valid point….”why are their mamas never there?”….

ati kwanza I can be mad ati “the place is not gisty euff for my mama”… kufa kubaf!

]]> by: kyalo http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-380 Fri, 26 May 2006 00:31:03 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-380 Kisirani mingi ........... <em><strong>Na tena basi? 'sup bro?</strong></em> Kisirani mingi ………..

Na tena basi? ’sup bro?

]]> by: Devious One http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-379 Thu, 25 May 2006 13:54:20 +0100 http://haidhuru.blogsome.com/2006/05/25/consorting-with-a-known-married-man/#comment-379 As aforementioned by Gish, its all about the intentions but I can guarantee you that if youre a chick or dude hanging out with a mama or ndugu whos married or has a significant other...the partner might not be tad skimmish on the whole thing and might lead to either strained friendships or bibi/bwana drama. Personally to keep things simple...if U have to hang out with someone whos married...wach athe bibi or bwana be present that way they dont look at you as threat. Otherwise it might lead ot a night or two of you sleeping with one eye open coz U know theres someone out there who would kill U in a nano second ! <em><strong>Or re-arrange that weave! Washana nayo! Annnndd for me part 2 to this is the fear that I will be the deafult chick that they call to 'catch pints' with lakini that's it.... What about their wives calling me for baby-shower etc? Noneofthat... Plus also, the fact that they would be CAUSING like a mofo if their wives were catching pints with another jamaa just settles the matter for me.... Anyway... I don;t jua... </strong></em> As aforementioned by Gish, its all about the intentions but I can guarantee you that if youre a chick or dude hanging out with a mama or ndugu whos married or has a significant other…the partner might not be tad skimmish on the whole thing and might lead to either strained friendships or bibi/bwana drama.

Personally to keep things simple…if U have to hang out with someone whos married…wach athe bibi or bwana be present that way they dont look at you as threat.

Otherwise it might lead ot a night or two of you sleeping with one eye open coz U know theres someone out there who would kill U in a nano second !

Or re-arrange that weave! Washana nayo! Annnndd for me part 2 to this is the fear that I will be the deafult chick that they call to ‘catch pints’ with lakini that’s it…. What about their wives calling me for baby-shower etc? Noneofthat… Plus also, the fact that they would be CAUSING like a mofo if their wives were catching pints with another jamaa just settles the matter for me…. Anyway… I don;t jua…

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