Haidhuru

Yeah… I’m kinda sorta… you know… bilas. So if you ngot a question that’s burning kama “homa ya huko chini” I guess you can aks away. Rules? In my blog? Get out of here. I mean, why start now right?

But to pre-empt some of you *rolling eyes* Yes. It is true. Aco was the best I never had.

So *leaning closer and flaunting my 30-summ’n Cs (or baby-D’s according to some people who do know better:))* swali yako gani ya Mutumia?

Eh?

OK so I was tagged… my wierd stuff? Hmmmm… Putting only the PG version here it go.

1) I’m abnormally scared of burrowing things. Like I wake up at night drenched in a sweat scared to death that a guinea worm got me. D-shy’s Blog entry of that mama who had things in her boob seriously traumatized me. Like I was unable to go home without scratching and itching and checking my hands and feet to see what larvae was popping out of my skin. *brrrrr*. ‘Cause of this, it took me forever before I could convince myself to get a pedicure as they use communal whirlpool foot baths which are just - well gross. I still have to forcibly force myself to put insert my foot in that thing as I’m scared that I’m gonna get maggots and stuff from the person who got the pedicure before me.

2) I cannot sleep with any door open in my room. I mean, any door- the closet doors, the chest of drawers, main door etc. all have to be kabisa shut and the edges aligned ama I’ll wake up at night to close the damn things.

3) I don’t know if this is weird or not- but I cannot tell left from right- or tell you what 7 +5 is. Now what did I do for my under-grad? Yup! You got it. Math and Geography (including cartography). Go figure!

4) I have this habit of sometimes, sometimes, sometimes… having a do-over of people’s conversations as they speak. What does this mean? I mean, say you’re telling me a story and I think “hmmmm it could have been improved if you instead of using Kosovo as the example, you’d used Cambodia”… I will then insert Cambodia into every thing that you’re saying and change the details of the conversation as you go along. I do this with books too when I’ll look at the direction a book is taking and say “Hell no! It won’t go down like this” and then give the characters new dialogue, motivation, lights-camera-action. It makes me speak slower than I normally do as I have to take this through 2 layers of translation: What I’m thinking they should have said and what they actually said. And then input my (translated) response into my ongoing conversation.

5) You and I know that with the right jamaa strokes are beautiful and with the exception of a few things, pretty much anything goes. However, the idea of strokes is vaguely gross to me. I know, I know. You know, like how before you get in a pool, you hold your breath and then jump in. Yup- same thing with the strokage. For a fraction of a section— or if the guy is hot- a fraction of a fraction of a second multiplied by planck’s constant ) I have to mentally say “OK. Let’s get this show on the road”– and after that, then I’m fine. Once I know a jamaa (bibilically), then it’s all good. Until then, I think of all the grossness associated with strokes (if done right!) - the liquids that get swopped, the generally unhygienic and unsanitary licking and probing and — yeah…. it can be a bit much.

Um… as for number 6, let’s just say the guys with strait jackets will come and get me if I confess to this. Not so wierd after all am I?

See, I had to change my locks this weekend. I mean, I had to change them a looong time ago, but between Hugh Masekela concerts and other more important purchases, I’d put it off until someone gave me a Home Depot gift certificate. So since I needed to get a new pump for the house and my gift cert was for like $100, I decided to get a Kwikset deadbolt and lock set (“for the Ultimate Security!”) all for the low, low price of $24.59.

Sidebar one:
Kwanza Home Depot is just… wrong. Like you just cannot go and buy a pump. There are like 45,678,654 varieties of the damn thing. As for things like a tool kit? Forget it. A whole fucking aisle of bits for a screwdriver. Sheeeeiiittt!!! And when you ask a Home Depot person “where are the sump pumps?” He points cheerfully at the some looong ass aisle and says “Plumbing Aisle”. Yes, a whole aisle dedicated to plumbing *sighing again*

I’m never going back to Home Depot. Ever.

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So I mentioned that my mum had been visiting a few weeks ago right? And we go to see this girl that I know and they’re talking child rearing blah blah blah when my mum then very casually says

“But children should not really be beaten”

Whaaaatttt??? Oh you imposteress. Where is my mother and what have you done with her? I know someone that someone blogged about how folks re-write history (sorry not to credit you, I’ve forgotten who it was), but please! Mama Mutumia saying this?!!!!! With a straight face!!!

Let me debunk that.

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I always knew that I had frugal tendencies, but I always hoped that I was not a miser…Correction, I mean, I don’t mise (take that Msanii- Ha! What do you mean it’s not a word?). Ati what brought this on? Glad you asked. See my dad’s been visiting and he got a call from some relatives “back home”. So, my aunt (who is actually not my aunt- rather, my dad’s grandmother and hers were circumcised (or perhaps I should now say FGMed? *rolling eyes*) at the same time. Plus, they all grew up in the same location. That is, location as in geographical area and not administrative sub-division e.g. Loko 5 (Location 5)– which, as you all know, is a colonialistic invention.

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I have a secret. Shameful secret. I was steamed at jamaa. Steamed enough to not talk to him properly for about 2 hours.

Sidebar 1:
On that note, you men need to quit acting like you did not get that memo. I notice that it is written to you and you’re also cc’d on a couple of the subsequent forwards. So just quit acting like you didn’t get the e-mail that says: ‘Don’t annoy your woman and then ask her “what’s up?”‘.

Especially when you and I both know that YOU know what the problem is.

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