Extremely random but true stuff…
UB sure ‘bout that?
So I’m at the public library trying to make sure that my budget sustained by my anorexic non-profit paycheck stays balanced (“Will-not-buy-any-more-books” is my mantra) and I’m also borrowing CDs. So I get an uncut Bob Marley CD and proceed to checkout and this stereotypical librarian (old, sweet white woman with glasses on a string presumably wearing comfortable shoes) peeps the CD and says “I love reggae. But I like the good stuff like UB40 and not Bob Marley”. Errm… OK.
Bust the myth why dontcha?!
aka “the no opportunity ever wasted friend”. So I’m talking to my boy and apparently it exists. That (un)holy grail- the perfect pussy (PP). My boy apparently found it and he is a changed man. Like really. According to him, it’s not just in the moistness and the very snug almost oppressively tight fit- it’s also in the softness (apparently, men can feel the texture of the various cell membranes through latex… hmmm) and the shape of said PP that accommodates some curvature to the left thing that’s going on with him (I mean, at this level of TMI detail, I was like “Keep it moving braddyf*cking”). I’d be happy for him if he hadn’t dissed Kikuyu mamas as he was like “This chick- it’s the full vagina dialogue- as opposed to Kikuyu mamas that’s a vagina soliloquy”… Punk! So at the end of it, when I’m like “yeah, yeah, whatever” and if I were a less mellow kinda chick envisioning cuntricide, he’s like “I suspect that Kikuyu mamas just get bad press. Si you help me bust that myth…”I had to laugh and give him his respect for always being on the job.
Solicitation…
Ermm… yes. I fell off the nicotine wagon. I know, shame on me. So I’m visiting Massachusetts and apparently, they banned smoking in clubs since I left that place. So I wobble off outside and I’m getting my smoke on when this extremely respectable looking guy stops and asks each and every one of the chicks that was outside if we want to “smile with him”. Like literally. He went down the whole gaggle of smoking squeezes!!! And the crazy thing is – the 1st chick was like “How much?” and he’s like “$200” , next one $60 and he varied the price according to some internal price code. Bizarre! How much did he offer for me? Ah well now that would be telling. I was tickled –ermmm navy blue.
Back to the mines….
