Extremely random but true stuff…
UB sure ‘bout that?
So I’m at the public library trying to make sure that my budget sustained by my anorexic non-profit paycheck stays balanced (“Will-not-buy-any-more-books” is my mantra) and I’m also borrowing CDs. So I get an uncut Bob Marley CD and proceed to checkout and this stereotypical librarian (old, sweet white woman with glasses on a string presumably wearing comfortable shoes) peeps the CD and says “I love reggae. But I like the good stuff like UB40 and not Bob Marley”. Errm… OK.
Bust the myth why dontcha?!
aka “the no opportunity ever wasted friend”. So I’m talking to my boy and apparently it exists. That (un)holy grail- the perfect pussy (PP). My boy apparently found it and he is a changed man. Like really. According to him, it’s not just in the moistness and the very snug almost oppressively tight fit- it’s also in the softness (apparently, men can feel the texture of the various cell membranes through latex… hmmm) and the shape of said PP that accommodates some curvature to the left thing that’s going on with him (I mean, at this level of TMI detail, I was like “Keep it moving braddyf*cking”). I’d be happy for him if he hadn’t dissed Kikuyu mamas as he was like “This chick- it’s the full vagina dialogue- as opposed to Kikuyu mamas that’s a vagina soliloquy”… Punk! So at the end of it, when I’m like “yeah, yeah, whatever” and if I were a less mellow kinda chick envisioning cuntricide, he’s like “I suspect that Kikuyu mamas just get bad press. Si you help me bust that myth…”I had to laugh and give him his respect for always being on the job.
Solicitation…
Ermm… yes. I fell off the nicotine wagon. I know, shame on me. So I’m visiting Massachusetts and apparently, they banned smoking in clubs since I left that place. So I wobble off outside and I’m getting my smoke on when this extremely respectable looking guy stops and asks each and every one of the chicks that was outside if we want to “smile with him”. Like literally. He went down the whole gaggle of smoking squeezes!!! And the crazy thing is – the 1st chick was like “How much?” and he’s like “$200” , next one $60 and he varied the price according to some internal price code. Bizarre! How much did he offer for me? Ah well now that would be telling. I was tickled –ermmm navy blue.
Back to the mines….
I’m always floored by the transformation of men who allegedly have had an intimate spell with some PP. Hogwash. It’s more of a case of the toothbrush finding the right mouth. That’s all. One man’s ugali is another man’s pilau.
Apparently there is such a thing… according to him and others… they contend that it’s sawa regardless of owner— like you could sell it retail (w/out the chile) and all guys would want to buy it- much like [insert thingie that all men want to own here]… I’m not saying it’s true— just what they say…
About Kuyos and monologues, it’s all hate, hate, hate…and I’m not Kuyo. Half Borana and half Madarin, thank you much. I’m just an equal opportunist.
ooohhh we love you Makanga- you’re the kind of man that will build Kenya an uplift it from the evils of tribalism and hateration about strokage (or lack thereof) in short the reason we shall rise as a people. Thanks for visiting….
Comment by makanga — August 8, 2006 @ 12:37 am
LOL at that PP description. Ati they can feel through the latex? You live and you learn every day
I wasn;t buying that even for one minute- but then again- what do I know seeing that I wasn;t born with a penis? *harumph*
Comment by halfkenyahalfsudan — August 8, 2006 @ 7:06 am
PP exists therefore it must find a perfect toothbrush (to use the analogue above) to go with it. Question are the PP bearers going to say anything about finding a perfect partner as well. Or a question of mismatch again?
Smile with him or for him? lost me there on the solicitation bit. Then what did he do with the smile?
The smile is a code word for (as Blue might say) “fangina” like K-Street mamas… As for the PPs I think that their fanginas are just tight- no ifs and buts about it. It must be pure dynamite though when a PP (female) meets up with a Pp(male)… you know- those hard ones with very soft skin that look like they are wekwad cocoa butter and only don;t beleive in the Kenyan male adage that “the only nasty hole is a viper’s den hole”
Comment by prou — August 8, 2006 @ 7:22 am
And i like americans, not the thiefing kind like ben franklin but the real ones like kinta kunte, colin powell and barrack obama
Comment by anon — August 8, 2006 @ 8:25 am
Haiya me I didn’t get that smile with me story. Ebu tell me in Kuyo!!
Anyway, there is also Perfect Penis (LOL transferable lingo!!). Mimi I have found………erm is this TMI? Yeah I’m just hoping I’m the PP for my PP. Nitamuuliza leo!
Auuuiiiiiiii I’m shaking from the MsKMutsaurus withdrawal!!
Arahoyaga mbombo cia kûgûra I tell you. No- toboa re your PP- it’s all in the steadiness
au? Re the MsKMutsaurus wqithdrawal is a real thing- it’s on DSM IV (the book with all those mental health diseases including addiction)… Don’t play! Lakini soon we’ll be back together, talking trash and catching pints cyber-nettically.
Comment by Ms K — August 8, 2006 @ 10:10 am
LMAO PP texture being felt even through a latex.. And what does the PP has to say about Ms K’s PP? It should talk of the rod.
Ati the guy varried the price according to internal price code we wacha. U sure his offer to you wasnt double the first chic for the smile? hebu toboa..
Ah yes… I have a theory re the Pp(male)…. it’s girth (with requisite unspecified length) and angle theta as it…. too much? I’ll stop. Me? My price is above rubies (Proverbs something or the other)… But seriously, that guy was mbof as he offered one squueze a pau (NOT ME!!!!!) and I remebered this storo of this guy who offered a langa ati a ka-loose 10 bob and the chick gave HIM 20 shs. and told him to go buy tropical na Biggie-Zhee… Ahhhhh…. Kenyans.
Comment by Nakeel — August 8, 2006 @ 10:23 am
It’s good to hear from you.
1.Now that mama in the lib didnt know what she was talking about!
2.Lakini that bro sounds kinda pussy whipped if you ask me.But that description was too deadly!Almost made me want to start goin thru my experiences.Lakini this I will tell you roho safi, when it comes to misrepresenting Kuyo mamas are top of the pops!Runs off and hides!
I’ma map quest Georgia and give you what you’ve been asking for for a hot minute now…. (and NO it’s not ‘interaction’)… Serriously though, this rumor was started in the 50s when we were in the middle of a war dammit!!!!! Sacrifices had to be made for the cause. Sheeeeiiittt…. that;’s how you thank the resistance movement? *shaking my head in disbelief*
3.Ati you smoke!Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for pricing that dude is nuts!
Comment by acolyte — August 8, 2006 @ 2:31 pm
Weh! When did you get back??!! I read that lingala post so many damn times, I went out and bought those high-waisted pants for effect. Then I even missed the thankyou one, where you declared your undying love and affection, fire and desire,weak in the knees, rock the boat love for me..erm..us..
That’s right…. ‘cause I’m grateful and you guys are tigght!! I’ve got a crush on you, you are the wind beneath my wings…
How are you anyway?? Been gone too damn long!!
hey call me—- got a plot for you- it involves muratina ’nuff said.
LOL@ Your mom’s kitendawili comeback.. You def. got it from yo mama! ( I know that was another post..just trying to catch up!)
As for PP- Makanga sed it best..really, there’s no such thing as one PP fits all..
What’s this kyuk mama bashing going on?? Its just not right!!
Me Personally I think you should tell us how much you were willing to smile for…I can just see you negotiating..
Like a mother at Uchumi no doubt! Ati 45.85- nitakupatia forty fai… as you cringe and try to hide behind the chevra… ah mothers… I can’t wait to traumatize my kids in the same way…
Comment by Medusa — August 8, 2006 @ 4:43 pm
Ive blushed somain this post…PP ?? hands down on that one..as for feeling texture thru latex, as someone else said it…HOGWASH…what men will say and do in the name of …
Comment by The Devious One — August 8, 2006 @ 10:42 pm