Haidhuru

And now, in my used to be customary alphabet soup fashion, I bring you *ta da* “The difference between Kenyan men and normal men”

A is for Alarm Clock

i.e. the electronic (or mechanical for those who don’t mind that gaddamn tick-tock Hickory dickory dock nonsense noise made as the second hand makes its way up the clock) gadget called an “alarm clock”. For other men, this is a device to wake him up in the morning. To Kenyan Men (Km not to be confused with KM), it’s a device that wakes me up so that I can then in turn wake him up (preferably with other parts of my anatomy- clenched fist smacking his back vigorously not included!).

Now logically, you’d expect that after a year of this two-step activity, he’d allow the woman to have it on her side right? Noooooo. It’s always “No, no, no, no, no… I have an early morning meeting”. OK, then. If I had it on my side, it’d make it much easier for me to hit the snooze button and I wouldn’t have to reach over you!!! Then again, it just might be a genius, genius move… Now I think of it, if I may quote the Guiness commercial, that’s “Brilliant!”

Kenyan Men 1: Others 0

B is for- what else? Blow Job (and not of the Katrina kind)

Some nationalities have developed a tendre for Southern Affairs. I actually know of one person who is such a connoisseur of the kitties, that he’s developed a palate. Envision him tasting and pinpointing the year that particular vintage (or rotgut) was produced so there’s no way the 32 year old mama is passing herself off as a 25 year old young ‘un. Nope! Dude goes down on you and he.will.know “Ati 1982? Stop your jokes! But not to worry, 1969 was a very good year”

Km, on the other hand are almost Hassidic Jew-ish in their insistence on kosher kitty. Biggest complaint? That our recreational area is too close to a waste disposal site (gross I know), OR that they’re Kikuyu and they don’t eat fish *smh*, that it’s “Un-African” and when you pointedly glance at their PDAs and Harvard Law degrees they shrug and say that “the only foreplay they need is buying you pints from the bar”.

Kenyan Men 0: Others 1

C is for Condom

I reprise this story which must be true as it was on the internet

Make special condoms for Africans - Kajembe By Daniel Nyassy
Changamwe legislator, Mr Ramadhan Seif Kajembe, has called on companies manufacturing condoms to consider making special condoms for African men. Kajembe alleged that the condoms currently in the market were “weak” and meant for white men who were “more gentle” than their African counterparts.
“The African is more ferocious. He needs a tougher thing than the condoms in the market,” Kajembe said.
The Kanu MP claimed that despite the widespread use of condoms, HIV/Aids infections were on the increase since condoms in the Kenyan market kept on rupturing. He said due to the type of food Africans eat, they were “more energetic” and required tougher, improved latex condoms. “With the nyama choma, githeri, ugali and other African foods we eat, these condoms are not tough enough,” he said. The MP made the remarks at Changamwe/Bokole where he unveiled the Bokole-Scope road repair project.

Kenyan men 1: Others 0

So far the score is Km 2: others 1 but we still have 23 more letters to go… See you at D, M and V.