G is for “Gone with the wind”
This one I’ll bet the ranch on.
I’m constantly amazed at how accepting Om (other men) are of past liaisons. A Km (Kenyan man) suspects you used to do the dirty with a guy that he knows?! Watch out!!! It’s that raised eye brow, lip curled in scorn, pointing finger bent like the Donald, just waiting to say “you’re fired”. And then he squints at the man he suspects used to know you biblically, lifts his beer, sips and using his head (or lip!!!!) to point at the chap ‘casually’ asks “That’s the chap you used to dinya, eh?”….
We interrupt this service to bring you a PSA for the ladies…
Do not engage the devil in conversation. It’s in the Bible y’all!!! “Be sober, be watchful: your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (OK, so I could not find the phrase that refers to keeping communication lines with the Devil mteja I failed Bible Studies- don’t you understand? My point is – Never explain.
For example….
* You’ve never laid eyes on the man he claims you used bang as he’s just landed from some outlandish place like Ougadougu, and he has the brand new passport and limited linguistic skills to prove it? Never Explain.
* He’s a bow-legged gay gypsy dwarf? Never Explain.
*Your man was Vasco da Gama all up in your cockpit, and he knows it? Never Explain.
*Your man met you on K-Street and he knows you used to do it for the money (cash only- no credit cards accepted)? Never Explain.
Emulate les américains (CIA/FBI/NSA/ OPP) that is… Do not confirm or deny!!!
Now this wouldn’t be a PSA if I didn’t provide a solution now would it? So here are acceptable answers aka
…Diversionary tactics No. 2564
*tssshhhhh (i.e. sucking teeth and breathing through tongue)
* ” n!ck! ” (clicking tongue at him and sighing loudly)
* “Eh, chap… yaani, anyway, it’s OK… trials weren’t only for Brother Jero… so yaani- clearly- Boss! tssshhhhhhhh ”
* “For real, like dude!”
End sidebar
——
So anyway, as I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, Km, believe in the concept of ‘Total Lack of Recall’ where all those who came before him (lit and metaphorically!!!) are supposed to never be mentioned. Even if you “came to him with a child” (I love that phrase!!), and the baby-daddy is the guy he’s asking about.
*sigh*
Om are more realistic. It’s treated as “FYI” – you know for informational purposes only- no retribution expected e.g. a jamaa will ask a squeeze why she cannot stand some random guy e.g. Michael and she’ll reply with information on how even though they used to catch, he was so mean to her outside bed that she’s never forgiven him. There’ll occasionally be instances where an ex is seen catching pints with the ex-chick and her new man. Try doing that with a Km, and you’ll have the vein popping, supercilious remarks, and general shaking of the head.
*shaking my head*
So, to summarize, for selective amnesia or lack thereof, I give Om, 2 points and Km, minus one (-1)
(part deux of Om “Fanya Fanya” coming right up- right after the field stats come in)
First off, I am totally digging your analysis and I cant wait for Part Deux of fanya fanya
I totally agree with the Never Explain philosophy. I follow it religiously. I have a dont ask, dont tell policy!
Part 2 coming right up… and thanks for your kind words maam.
Comment by Ciiku — September 15, 2006 @ 8:42 pm
*Shaking my head*
The grim stats….
In my humble opinion, many of the people locked up for long stretches of hard time in the US (I picked the US because 1-they represent Om and 2- most altercations in the US end up as Police reports, unlike the Jamhuri where mob beatings on thugs barely get outside the neighborhood) are for narcotics, robberies and poverty-driven crime and….
murders/assaults between exes and the new partner,cheating significant others,the people they were cheating with and close friends and family who take it upon themselves to mete justice on behalf of a loved one.
O.J Simpson, Rae Carruth, that Peterson jamaa, the two chics robbing each of press-on nails and weaves at Happy Hour… pick one.
He he … I have to pick press on nails and weaves!! No doubt! And the bee-yatch word thrown about ovyo ovyo!
We can all agree it’s an avoidable reality.
All that confabbing with the ex-man, ex-girl is for the birds. It never goes sweetly as y’all sistas might want.
Comment by makanga — September 16, 2006 @ 2:54 am
And er…who is doing the data collection for part deuce? How can a brutha get in with the ’sample group?’
OK then! It helps to know the mutumia who’s figures out what demographic we need info from … I usually toss out… I need stats from Busia Stat! and you know… so… speak to me nicely:)
Comment by makanga — September 16, 2006 @ 3:00 am
It’s of how we are being blacklisted like this?!
First things first, if you used to date a jamaa we know; that’s cool.If it is someone very close to me and both of us are cool with it, that’s cool.If your ex was a dude I can’t stand or is a bitter rival; that ain’t happening!Unless I sliced him of course.
You do know with our egos we do like to feel that we are the first and the best, even though deep inside we know that it isnt true.
I do think that at times the less said, the better!
As for catching pints with both sets of the ex-es.Hell Naw!
Comment by acolyte — September 16, 2006 @ 4:25 pm
Heh heh you know the way they salimiana when you happen to introduce them, in case he already knew the dude was your ex, with that curt nod. Heh heh and anyway, you cannot introduce any man to your man without acceptable descriptors. Brother and Father are the only ones allowed. Anything else: boss. colleague, cousin, brother-in-law, friend’s boyfriend, friend’s brother, step-brother…. (you get the drift) are all treated to that curt nod. Don’t EVEN try friend. As for ex, only for the foolhardiest among us.
Esp to be ignored are those guys who you did-like-they-do-on-the-discovery-channel with. You know those guys who you didn’t really have a relationship with. Just animal coupling. Those ones you do not even acknowledge presence. If possible, do the curt nod and stop at that. Trying to explain those ones to your significant other is just bad for your health!
Comment by Ms K — September 18, 2006 @ 8:42 am
I agree totally with the Never Explain policy though you the woman are supposed to understand that “that chick there me, I dumped her she is bad news,” a question of double standards yet again.
Comment by prou — September 19, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
Am with you Do not confirm or deny!!! and also shut up dont tell him your past let it be. Whenever i meet my ex with company i smile and say hi and then look away then its nothing to debate about.
Comment by Gish — September 21, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
www.catch-cheating.com
The vital thing to remember is that you’ll need to be easy-going.
Trackback by www.catch-cheating.com — August 17, 2007 @ 4:17 pm