Vasopressin receptors and Kim Jong II
There’s this English phrase “screwing like rabbits” which has never quite gelled with my “African” 
sensibilities. The rabbits or hares of my folklore are sly, clever critters that outwit the malevolent hyenas and hungry lions. More quick thinking, save the day type animals, and less Austin Powers “Let’s shag baby” type animal. This free-loving title shoould perhaps go to the Southern African Cape Whale.
Side Bar:
Now, the Southern White whale is a tart. In the words of the great Tupac, they get around. The female whale has group orgies with up to 7 males. In the females’ defense, the male whales are a bit quick off the trigger, and the males are not averse to sloppy seconds. They have even developed evolutionary coping mechanisms to cope with that problem. They apparently, “not having teeth, horns or claws to prevent the other males from mating with the female ..have developed an interesting way to compete called ’sperm competition’. Each male produces massive amounts of sperm in an attempt to dilute other sperm that might already be in the female. To do this, the whales need the appropriate plumbing, which explains why one southern right whale testicle weighs in at about 500 kg.”
Well, then.
So, not sleeping on the wet spot.
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End Side Bar:
Anyway, as I was saying, I always chuckle when I hear the rabbit being held up as the epitome of getting it on, and on, and on. I really think that the Energizer bunny as mascot for indefatiguable batteries is not a coincidence. It’s a play on our sub-consciousness and the manufacturers hope we’ll make the link between the bunny and their sexual prowess, and assume that the batteries that they make are as capable of being up to the job. Well, the link seems logical for a Rabbit® at the very least (not work friendly!).
Told you not to click on link at work didn’t I?
So, anyway, rabbits don’t impress me that much. I’m more in awe of lions. Those males hold.it.down. Like, if you’re not in the pride, you don’t get none. Annnddd, the lions are polyandrous, so they’ll double dip within the female pool (not so good for the females though). And! They’ll mate every 25 minutes for up to four days to get the job done! And Simba takes the job seriously, as evidenced by
Exhibit A: Pride and Joy
Before, I begin sounding like a zoophiliac, let me wrap this up. Apparently, there’s a group of scientists, that can turn Simba monogamous. See, apparently, vasopressin is a hormone that’s created during strokage and makes men write love songs and want to stomp the crap out of other men (or women!) competing for his woman’s attention. So really clever people found out that that having vasopressin receptors in the region of the brain that’s reserved for crack (and gambling, Flava of Love and chocolate on Diet Day Four) is what makes animals happy to be monogamous. Having these receptors elsewhere in the brain makes monogamy less rewarding. So the breakthrough came when they were able to ‘treat’ promiscuous field mice that usually screw like, well, rabbits and made monogamy akin to getting a hit from the crack pipe.
I predict, in the not too distant future, a mandatory treatment just before you take your vows and hey, presto- one monogamous husband. Knowing the Government, they’d mandate the FDA to only sell it to married couples but Mutumia Inc. would already have a thriving black market selling it on the internet. Ahhh… the future…
So children, the word for today is Vasopressin Receptors.
Moving right on to Short men with big weapons.
Apparently, the Democrats are to blame for the current ‘NooKiller’ kerfuffle. Apparently, in 1994, Jimmy Carter did his thing and got Kim Jong II to stop developing weapons, in exchange for Bill Clinton not bombing the hell of out of the country. So, in the spirit of research, I watched this movie and I was shocked. Shocked I tell you at the state of the US military! Firstly, the putative crème de la crème of the US troops, aka Navy SEALS, can’t shoot worth a damn. They were firing at these North Koreans with enough bullets to populate a Mogadishu elementary school and no-one was getting hurt! What happened?! These guys were spraying bullets all willy nilly and ovyo ovyo like child soldiers. So much for SEALS being able to shoot a pea off your head at 2 nautical miles distance à la William Tell. Disappointed! Then again, maybe I’m being too hard on the movie as I was already peeved since by scene 6, they’d already killed the off the black guy. Why???!!!This cinematographic genocide has to end!
And now moral of the story is:
The movie showed me that if Condi Rice doesn’t get her way with Kim Jong, I’m should trade in my Honda for a Hyundai. The SEALS were able to out-drive a nuclear blast (with requisite mushroom cloud), as they were protected by a Korean car. It’s my birthday today (it really is) and if anyone wants to hook me up with one of these 100,000 mile warranty, safe in a nuclear blast vehicles, I’ll definitely give you a ride to the Bomb shelter in my birthday car.
Hoo-yah!
as evidenced by my keeping rabbits as pets, i reckon that their style works if procreation is the aim. whales? 500kg testicle, hope the mamacita whales do not ‘blow’, how many litres per ejaculation? then you talk about lions (big smile here) dude, lions rock! oops! that link bana. ati every 25 min for four days? its still a long weekend in Nairobi, perhaps i try it? i will burn all stores of such products if imported!
ati an american with a sense of markmanship? si they just shoot a rocket/bullet/missile in huge volumes and hope that it hits something…over there… no wonder they need so much money to supply sh** to troops in iraq (eyerak). i second that motion, at least that dude made it to scene 6.
a hyundai (hyondee) it is then metallic rosy pink work for you? HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Comment by Aegeus — October 23, 2006 @ 7:02 am
First things first! Happy Birthday!
Moving on, if dudes have to take Vasopressin so do the mamas! There are quite a few frisky mamas out there you know! Go lions!!!!!!! The less said about the whales the better, I wouldnt swim with my mouth open in that neck of the sea!
As for the North Korean question, you do know that the states has created half of it’s enemies ie Osama, Saddam etc. So this cse isnt suprising at all!
Comment by acolyte — October 23, 2006 @ 9:13 am
That comment about the Americans firing mob bullets reminded me of a scene in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The guy playing Mark Twain was busy shooting at the bad guys with both his guns when Sean Connery playing Alan Quartermain said what a waste that was. He aimed, fired and killed bad guy with just one bullet. He said Americans just shoot willy nilly hoping one bullet will get the mark, whereas he is of the belief that you should use your bullets judiciously. Very apt!
Happy Birthday!
Comment by egm — October 23, 2006 @ 9:14 am
Many happy birthday, pray tell have you wisened or just er wizened? I shall leave you to ponder on that one.*teehee*
Hilarious post as always Muts, buuttt i have to disagree with you on the whole lion handling their bizna vile the unlucky female doesnt see it that way, allow me to explain and by me i mean google and by explain i mean copy and paste the following
“The mating behaviour of lions is a painful process for the female. The penis is barbed and its withdrawal hurts the female who may twist around and attack the dismounting male. The pain is necessary for feline mating as it is the shock to her system that induces ovulation and permits fertilisation”
just in case you missed it..”shock to the system” all in the name of mwenjoyos, araa..it shouldnt happen to a female..haki it gets me vexxed just thinking about it, haki if you slit my throat right now you’d get shot in the eye with boiling blood.
*Ahem*
Happy birthday you is all I came to say. Hugs!!
Ps - heard this joke leo and thought it quite amusing
What did the dolphin say to the weeping whale?
“Quit blubbering”
mwehehehee…
*hangs head in shame, yes i know, theres a rope somewhere here, ill do the decent thing*
Comment by Dangerouslyshy — October 23, 2006 @ 1:54 pm
I was also coming to pitch with the barbed penis thing 40 times a day.
Meawhile, Black gloves, black mask, black desert eagle. Usijali, I will be back with the mots. Just don’t be in a hurry to register it at DMV.
Comment by makanga — October 23, 2006 @ 3:33 pm
Happy birthday sister from another mother!!! first off…lol at mating practices of animals….du really work??? thats alot of research hihi!!im loving vassopressin receptors…hihi
Comment by kipepeo — October 26, 2006 @ 10:36 am
Happy birthday you nut. I see you’re still holding it down for the mad ones!!!
LOL that barbed prick must hurt a whole lot!!
Aha, I just remembered an old Nairobi myth. Ever heard about that chick who decided to catch strokes from their Dagoretti Dodger. And you know mofs have those self-retrcting/protacting/something dicks. Si she got stcuk. Shes fighting to get it out and the doggie is refusing to coitus interruptus. The melee ensued until the old man came to check what da hell!!! And you can JUST IMAGINE the scene before his eyes.
Auuuuuuuiiiiiii I don’t know if I should sign off this comment. Anne O. Nimus bado iko?
And now, we have withdrawn that carpet. We’re making Christmas coats with it.
Comment by Ms K — October 31, 2006 @ 1:07 am
The expression on that lion’s face just about says it all!
Every 25 minutes for up to 4 days?! Hot damn!
Comment by >d® — November 30, 2006 @ 9:31 pm
Hey you, looks like you’re in comatose once again, hit me if you snap out of it.. Wishing you well on this very special day.
Comment by BJ — December 8, 2006 @ 9:36 am